A Very Uncommon Cook

In my file of ‘posts to make on A Very Uncommon Cook’ is a scribbled note that reads ‘wtf is the difference btwn fud processors & blenders?’

Well, I have discovered at least part of the answer: you can’t make pie dough in a blender.

This apartment only has a blender. I wanted to try the Cook’s Illustrated foolproof pie dough that Bitten Word published a while back. The very first line of that recipe reads ‘Process 1 ½ cups flour, salt, and sugar in food processor until combined.’

Yeah. No.

I tried, honest I did. But the blender just whirred away, and the pile of flour and sugar and salt collapsed in the middle and then refused to move. Dubious now, I nevertheless perservered, and added butter and shortening, just as I was told. It was a well-meaning attempt that produced absolutely nothing that resembled pie dough, even pie dough in utero.

At which point I dumped the whole mess into a bowl and started hand-cutting the butter and shortening into the flour mixture. Which worked well enough that as I type, I have pie dough chilling in the fridge. The counter got a little messy, but I blame that on the fact that the bowl was a little too small for the amount of dough in it.

Okay, the dough is sufficiently chilled now; I will report back when I’m done wrangling blueberries!

Later:

I would kill for decent counterspace; have I mentioned that? Rolling out the dough was mostly painless — it’s not a very sticky dough, so it stuck to the rolling pin and the counter very little — except that I ran out of room for it. The filling is quite easy to make, although as blueberries tend to, it stained everything it touched purple (and delicious).

Speaking of delicious, that would not be an overstatement; the pie smells fantastic, the crust is flaky and tender, and while I think I should have thickened the filling more (or, you know, let it cool all the way before I started eating it — don’t judge me, I bet you wouldn’t have been able to restrain yourself either), it’s a great balance of sweet and tart, and I am so making this again.

Pie dough

• 2 ½ cups unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon table salt
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 12 tablespoons (1 ½ sticks) cold unsalted butter, cut into ¼-inch slices
½
• cup cold vegetable shortening, cut into 4 pieces
• ¼ cup cold vodka
• ¼ cup cold water

Blueberry filling

• 6 cups fresh blueberries
1 Granny Smith apple, peeled and grated on large holes of box grater
• 2 teaspoons grated zest and 2 teaspoons juice from 1 lemon
• ¾ cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch or ground tapioca
• Pinch table salt
• 2 tablespoons unsalted better, cut into ¼-inch pieces
• 1 large egg, lightly beaten with 1 teaspoon water

Pie dough

1. Process 1 ½ cups flour, salt, and sugar in food processor until combined, about 2 one-second pulses. Add butter and shortening and process until homogeneous dough just starts to collect in uneven clumps, about 15 seconds (dough will resemble cottage cheese curds and there should be no uncoated flour). Scrape bowl with rubber spatula and redistribute dough evenly around processor blade. Add remaining cup flour and pulse until mixture is evenly distributed around bowl and mass of dough has been broken up, 4 to 6 quick pulses. Empty mixture into medium bowl. Blend 1 ½ cups flour, 1 teaspoon salt, and 2 tablespoons sugar on a mid-size bowl. Add 12 tablespoons of cold butter and ½ cold shortening and cut in, using knives or a pastry cutter (which I do not have, and honestly don’t see the point of; I mentioned the size of my kitchen, right? the size of New York City kitchens, by and large? Just use cutlery, it’s a little more tedious, but it works just fine), until fats are broken up and mixture resembles coarse sand.
2. Sprinkle vodka and water over mixture. With rubber spatula, use folding motion to mix, pressing down on dough until dough is slightly tacky and sticks together. Divide dough into two even balls and flatten each into 4-inch disk. Wrap each in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 45 minutes or up to 2 days.
3. Remove 1 disk of dough from the refrigerator and roll on generously floured (up to ¼ cup) work surface to 12-inch circle, about 1/8 inch think.  Roll dough loosely and rolling pin and unroll into pie plate, leaving at least 1-inch overhang on each side.  Working around circumference, ease dough into plate by gently lifting edge of dough with one hand while pressing into plate bottom with other hand.  Leave dough that overhangs plate in place; refrigerate while preparing filling until dough is firm, about 30 minutes.



Filling

1. Adjust oven rack to lowest position, place rimmed baking sheet on oven rack and heat oven to 400 degrees.  Put 3 cups berries in medium saucepan and set over medium heat.  Mash berries several times to release juices; I used a fork, but a potato masher would work well if you have one.  Continue to cook, stirring frequently and mashing occasionally, until about half of berries have broken down and mixture is thickened and reduced to 1 ½ cups, about 8 minutes.  Let cool slightly.
2. Place grated apple in clean kitchen towel and wring dry. (I forgot to do this, and I doubt it made much difference.)  Transfer apple to large bowl.  Add cooked berries, remaining 3 cups uncooked berries, lemon zest, juice, sugar, cornstarch, and salt; mix.  Transfer mixture to dough-lined pie plate and scatter butter pieces over filling.
3. Roll out second disk of dough on generously floured (up to ¼ cup) work surface to 11-inch circle, about 1/8 inch thick.  Slash a starburst into the dough, radiating out from the center, leaving a generous frame around it.  Roll dough loosely around pin and unroll over pie, leaving at least ½ inch overhang on each side.
4. Trim bottom layer of overhanging dough, leaving ½-inch overhang.  Fold dough under itself so that edge of fold is flush with outer rim of pie plate.  Flute edges using thumb and forefinger or press with times of fork to seal.  Brush top and edges of pie with egg mixture.  If dough is very soft, chill in freezer for 10 minutes.



Baking

1. Place pie on heating baking sheet and bake 30 minutes.
2. Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees and continue to bake until juice bubbles and crust is deep golden brown, 30 to 40 minutes longer.
3. Transfer pie to wire rack; cool to room temperature, at least 4 hours.  Cut into wedges and serve.

I have returned, in triumph, from various familial obligations and Boston and whatnot, and I have summer lying on my doorstep to greet me! There were cherries and strawberries in my fridge this morning, and the air conditioning is on; the farmer’s market is open this Saturday before I go to dance class, and I’m hoping tto get he chance, in between manuscript critique and the vagaries of life, to clean up the balcony and put in a few more pots of herbs.

You’ll note I said that there were cherries and strawberries in my fridge this morning; they’re now in a sort of unholy — but delicious! — pie-like substance.

I have the good fortune to possess a convection toaster oven, which meant that I didn’t have to heat up the whole kitchen — which would have dissuaded me from doing anything no matter how interesting the thought — and which worked perfectly, both for the crust and the filling. Among the socks, crumpled confirmation numbers, ticket stubs, and the like in my suitcase was a bag of cinnamon-sugar pita chips. How I acquired this, I swear I do not know. In my considered opinion, pita chips are for hummus and precious little else. I cannot imagine I would have willingly purchased sweetened pita chips, and lay the blame at the feet of any of the dozen people I have been in cahoots with for the last week.

Regardless, there they were, and there was the bag of cherries, deep crimson and shiny-skinned, and the container of strawberries, all green-leaved and sweet-smelling. So I did what any sensible woman would do — I pulled down a rolling pin (okay, okay, I pulled down a bottle of rosé) and started banging the hell out of the bag of pita chips. When I had them crushed about as well as I was going to, I preheated the toaster oven to three-fifty Fahrenheit, opened up the bag and dumped the pita crumbs into a prep bowl with some applesauce. I could’ve used butter, as the Joy of Cooking instructs (which I discovered only afterwards; I pretty much reinvented the graham cracker crust this morning), but applesauce seemed like a perfectly sensible option to me at the time.

It was. I stirred the applesauce in until the crumbs were moist, pressed them firmly into a pie pan with the back of a spoon until there was an even layer (I didn’t have enough to bring them up the sides of the pan, annoyingly), and stuck it into the toaster oven for ten minutes.

While that was baking, I started hulling and slicing strawberries. I’d guess I had about ten ounces of berries, and they went into a bowl once sliced. I mentioned how the cherries were fresh, right? And therefore not pitted? Yeah. I pitted the whole bag. I have no idea how many that was, but my fingers were stained scarlet the rest of the day. When the crust was done, I let it cool for a while while I finished with the cherries, and let them and the strawberries macerate in a little lemon juice, about two-three tablespoons of sugar, about an equal amount of cornstarch (which I probably could’ve omitted, but I was hoping for some thickening of the juices). I poured in a little vanilla extract, and added a dozen black peppercorns — usually I use black pepper as an accent for blueberries, but I didn’t think balsamic vinegar, which is my favorite contrasting taste for strawberries (the strawberries pick up the sweetness in the vinegar, and the acidity opens up the sort of floral taste the berries have) would work too well here. If I’d had ginger, I might have used that, but I didn’t.

Once that was all jumbled together, and the crust was cool, I poured the fruit mixture into the crust and slid it back into the three-fifty oven. About half an hour later, I pulled it out again, let it cool, and had it for lunch.

Good points:

• I don’t think I’ve ever made a prettier pie; I was worried the lack of a topping would dry the filling out, but I would have been sorry to miss the brilliant crimsony pink of the fruit.
• The vanilla was a great floating sweet note in the midst of the complex berry flavors.
• The black peppercorns, as long as you didn’t chew on them, deepened the whole taste.

Things to improve next time:

• The crust. Oh, lord, the crust. I’m not sure what went wrong — pita chips might not be suited for this role no matter what; perhaps I didn’t crush them finely enough; maybe the applesauce was a mistake and using butter would have avoided any problems; baking it in a toaster oven might not have been the best idea ever. Whatever the reason, the crust got soggy very quickly. On the bottom, which confused me; I wouldn’t have been surprised if the fruit mixture had made the top of it mushy and generally yucky, but the side of the crust against the pie plate, I was not expecting to have that texture. It still tasted okay, though.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen: Unholy Cherry-Strawberry Pie.